Friday, October 8, 2010


Let's learn more about Apes and Monsters from this book from 1977
The Ape is a type of medium-size monster, mostly found in jungles and zoos.  They are known for their aggressive policy towards pursuit of bananas.  Their diet consists mostly of bananas and smaller monsters.  They might sometimes look like a human, but don't be fooled!  They are not humans and will try to kill you.  Some people believe that apes eventually transformed into humans.  Other people think that an ape could not have changed into a human.  In conclusion, nobody will ever know whether or not an ape is capable of transforming into a human.
This is a picture of my dog Banzai eating a bug.  Banzai is a type of small monster that I learned through this book is the first ape.
Banzai is a type of small, neurotic monster found mostly in my house.  His likes include human food and his dislikes include vacuums and loud sudden noises.

This is another picture of Banzai.  Normally Banzai stays on the ground but in this picture he has climbed into a tree.
These two Banzais have climbed into a tree together.  This type of Banzai is known as the Tree Shrew.  Tree Shrew's combat moves include "an ability to make a wide range of sounds, from shrill screams to bird-like twittering".  

This monster is called a Bushbaby.  The Bushbaby is a "bad-tempered animal, quite unsuitable for keeping as a pet".  They are hungry all the time, exceptionally aggressive and are known for literally constantly pissing all over their own hands and feet,
This creature looks like a Malaysian folklore spirit or early Yoda concept art but apparently it actually exists somewhere
This is what it looks like after it has fed

Look at this horrifying thing.  This freakish creature is known as the Aye-Aye, with long fingers perfect for grabbing and strangling.  If God there be, surely He created this creature in nightmare
Moronic Red-Face Ape.  "It was discovered by accident in an American zoo that the red coloring of their faces is only maintained if they sun themselves regularly.  If they are kept in indoor cages their red faces fade to pink."  This ape is so stupid it lies around in the sun until its bald head is blisteringly red and sunburned.  Let's move on before I make myself sick

Hooting Idiot Ape, often found on public transit systems and sports areas
Another idiot creature, great job "God"

Hobgoblin.  These are the world's most popular monkey-pet, and are shipped in great numbers from the jungles of South America.  Unfortunately many "die in the course of their journey to the pet shops.  The reason for this is that these monkeys have a lot of internal parasites, usually kept in check by their free and healthy life.  The shock of capture and confinement in a cage, and the loss of health through lack of the right foods combine to weaken the monkey's system so that it cannot combat the parasites."

This strange type of Ape has a penis for a nose
the infrequently-glimpsed Sauna Yeti

And that's all you need to know about Apes!

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